"Satori is a nice place to visit, but you can't live there." - Nowhere Man
The experience of being can be broken into three aspects, known in the western world as the holy trinity.
The witness - Atman / Holy Spirit.
The sufferer - Ego / Christ.
The stage - Ground of being / The Father.
The sufferer: Ego / Illusory self
Creates the illusion of control. Believes itself to be separate and in control of its domain. Fears loss of the control illusion. Worships the Atman, wishes to be the Atman. Atman has no attachment, and knows there is no control or being separate from all else / the stage.
The stage is all. Impassive, and creating the illusion of being. The stage creates the opposition for which the ego can imagine opposition. The Atman allows union of the stage and the ego.
Ego & the Deceiver
The ego has a somewhat universal projection the Abrahamic religions demonize, we know as Satan. Satan is the deceiver, responsible for all wrong doing and evil. Satan is an invisible adversary for which the ego can blame all its failures and maintain its illusion. Alternatively, one can see that Satan IS the ego. In this way, the ego projects its own dark side onto the stage, to play the game of "I must always win".
The Witness: Atman & Truth
The Atman is the experiencer and the knower. However, for the Atman to fully experience it must go into a trance, a state where it forgets the known truth of the ultimate unity of the trinity. In this state, the ego is capable of deceiving the Atman into believing not only that the stage is real, but that it, itself, is the ego, and only the ego. It forgets itself and wholly identifies with the ego.
Awakening of Atman
Experiences in life may arouse the Atman, and give moments of glorious insight into which one sees the entire universe as one unity, of dualities masking unity, and of union of the self and ego with God. Sufficient insights can lead the Atman to wake up to its known truth and identify the ego as a separate, false self.
Jules:
Ego / Illusory self
That is like the realm most people (men in particular, with dominance, success motivation) seem to live. Strive for something shallow while not thinking it through, not understanding the greater purpose. Misguided. Greedy self. Most people caught up in rat race.
Lacking in spirituality.
Ego & the Deceiver
Lust, sin. Yeah blames Satan as a causer of our darker aspects. Like we are good, godly, but cheated and lead astray by outside forces. Except it’s just us failing ourselves, letting our nature take over and making exceptions to morality that suit us. Not taking responsibility for what we control.
Atman and truth
It’s a rare state of being. Reminds me of the moments I had frequently as a kid, when I felt I was a being separate from my body and this world, and meditated to keep that mindfulness and not fall prey to the many misguided motivations in the world. Felt like, getting caught up in a game, then reminding yourself it’s just a game. Allowing the self to step outside of earthly issues, and realize it's fleeting, often unimportant things. As time goes on and we get older, we experience more, and investment in that game of life grows and becomes more part of how we identify ourselves. Harder and harder to separate ourselves from that. Yet so important...
Awakening of Atman
I have had these moments... rare, awakening. Craving them to come back. It’s like prying something that’s glued down. The more you pry, the more you can separate that ego, and keep the Zen...
I’m starting to see now...
Nowhere Man
The witness, the sufferer and the stage are all three essential parts of the piece. A person cannot function without all three. The secret is the Atman waking up to its true nature, rather than being deceived into thinking it is the ego.
I imagine, to children, this is very obvious, before they are conditioned to behave in certain ways and believe certain things. It's very much a self-feeding process. I used to often wonder how differently people could become through different culture. Makes me think of Pocahontas. One person raised in a society in balance with Atman, and another raised in a society obsessed with ego.
Jules:
Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. But I do wonder, and assume, people have a natural tendency to leave that and just disconnect from their real self. Isn't religion trying to teach us to be spiritual, take Buddhism for example, but the average person can’t attain it all the time in their lives. It’s a state we reach clarity in sometimes, and then forget again as the troubles of life naturally sweep us up...
Like me, sometimes feeling at one, and then sometimes totally being obsessed with my strange and dysfunctional relationship with my ex-boyfriend...
I think I’m getting better at handling it, and trying to disconnect personally. Like I’m watching a movie. Be more Zen, and not get mad. And try to understand. But sometimes it’s not enough to beat our simian emotional needs. Like that night and you told me about that guy who upset you, when you moved out of your old place.
Nowhere Man:
Well, we are only human. I believe, what matters is whether you act on those things. We all, after all, have our element of irreducible rascality. But, it's good that you notice. It's important to pay attention; it helps keep it all in perspective.
Tuesday, May 6, 2014
The highs and lows of life
Nowhere Man: I have a simple question for you, Jules; are you addicted to the high of life?
Let me frame this for you, somewhat. A large part of coming to a clearer state of mind is understanding that you can only have happiness in contrast with sadness, ecstasy with pain, joy with sorrow, and love with hate. You probably already know this on an intuitive level, so let me bring it into your conscious mind. The best example is that when you intensely love somebody you tend to get moody with them very easily. As people often say, "I hate you but I love you." You need both to have the intensity, because feelings are like waves... In fact, from a neurobiology standpoint feelings ARE waves of electrical activity in your brain. Waves must have a crest and a trough, they cannot only have one or the other. Another example could be the relief you feel after coming close to an accident. The sudden tension and fear being released causes and upswing of relief and joy.
If you are addicted to the high, then you will likely have a very unconscious understanding that in order to get that high you need to have a low, and so you will seek out negative things without even realizing, so the good things feel better. You will feel attracted to people who might actually be bad for you, because they make your highs higher, or worse still, they feed your ego! Being separated may give you a temporary elation due to the natural upswing, but after a time that up becomes neutral, which feels like a down.
Coming to understand this, and being able to find happiness in contentment, you can eliminate the lows and negatives from your life, but you must also sacrifice the highs and positives with it. It is not to say they go away completely (otherwise you wouldn't be human!) but they become quite dulled, so you get little lows and little highs. Then, after some time, you learn to ride the little highs, appreciate them more and get more from them. You reflect and you grow. You come to understand that these things were really inside you the whole time, and didn't come from others. You only used them as mirrors to get what you wanted.
Jules: I often feel overwhelmed by options, and concern for the future not working out, attributing it to things I should be planning for now in order to set it up right as not to have any regrets. But, also, taking no action when I know at least one thing I would enjoy is silly, just because I won't feel it every moment; especially when those moments are spent outside of that world. I think I should just go for my biology master and let that be that, get involved and let the paths open as it goes. Follow the opportunities. It’s hard to take a leap of faith, I’ve never been good at it, I just want to do everything risk free... But that’s not life.
As for being addicted to the highs and lows I think you are also right; I'm addicted to the intensity. My desire to stand on a tall mountain, in the snow, after a long treacherous hike. Also, the emotions, good and bad, that give life something amazing to be in awe of. As for the negative, I ask myself a lot; do just love punishment, pain? When did it become this way...
Here is the story. LA is a city of selfish, awful, always on their phones/never paying attention, drivers. I often feel road rage and an amazing bitter hate for humanity because of it, often feeling like they are just selfish people who would rather risk the harm of other people than save a phone call for later, or a text. Which is also illegal, but nobody cares, especially during the last couple of months since I’ve been driving more instead of taking a bus (because my boss has be doing errands for a fund-raiser this weekend, and other stuff). However, I often ask myself why I feel this new-found rage, and what has come over me that, at this is time of my life, I am capable of this. I have always thought of myself as positive person, that I like people, that I'm understanding. I sometimes wonder if I like being miserable, or bitter… And condescendingly ask myself this when I drive. I think we all get some high out of feeling powerful, in control. Even if this feeling is attained by being mean to others- dominance. We think we are better in than them in some way.
When I identify that in myself I feel less powerful and more ashamed. I think of myself as always trying to see all things objectively and not judge the masses, because they are comprised of individual stories, and I can’t possibly know those stories. How does people being shitty drivers translate to me becoming so bitter about humanity? Am I just extrapolating on who they are as a person by how they drive, or even less, just anthropomorphizing the "body language" of these cars, which I know to be driven by people?
I look upon their faces, and I ask myself, what kind of person is this? I often judge them, I think they are bad people when it looks like they spent hours on their hair and make-up (men and women). When they look unhappy, and other things. It's irrational on my end, because I get mad at people for honking at stupid things, like being impatient rather than to prevent an accident.
And then, I am guilty of doing the same! Being entirely impatient and upset when they drive at anything less than perfection, and then I feel entitled to honk at them to set it right! I'm not laying on the horn or anything, just trying to give a little prod. But still...
The point of all this is the underlying psychology. Hypocrisy aside, I am talking about the bitterness. Maybe that’s the pain and flow of my life right now, manifesting. I sense it- the feeling of impatience I have for my life in all aspects. I'm waiting- nervously waiting- for my life to take action. There is the Peru volunteering month I wait for, there is my career, and graduate school applications, whether I will get in and where I will end up going (to EU, stay in LA, or even over to Aus/NZ?)... Also, I'm still bitter about the ex-boyfriend situation on some level, how he can want me and not want me at the same time... It's frustrating. Along with that, there is also an emphasis on the future. That he wants me back in 2 months. Not now. That he loves me but wants a distance. Then there is myself, wanting to be free and not get back with someone who has broken up with me and changed their mind. I have the feeling that RIGHT NOW I am free enough to leave, travel, with no ties. If I get back to him in January, I'm scared I won't have the strength to do what needs to be done: leave LA and go abroad for graduate school like I want to right now. I think this is best for my growth. I don't like the future I envision with him- a fear of staying in LA, not amounting to my fullest potential, because I'm clinging to an unhealthy relationship.
It becomes unhealthy when I cannot live to my full potential, and don't even want to in that situation, when I am addicted to a lifestyle with him, only to later regret wasting my 20s. Whether that relationship works out or not.
Nowhere Man: I think, in relation to you feeling angry/bitter, these are not your feelings, but instead you are soaking up the feelings of all those around you. It is often hard, but you may notice you'll be in one place and feel fine and happy with a few people around, then go somewhere busy and suddenly you feel frustrated, angry, judgemental, out of nowhere. These feelings are strong and people tend to pick up on them easily. You need to remain conscious of when these feelings start creeping up, and push positive energy back. Who knows, maybe you'll break the cycle and the people around you will feel a little better!
We can find whatever feelings we like in our life. Our lives are complex. There is, I would say, equal amounts of excitement and happiness if you were to look for them. The secret is, where is your head at? And is it really how you feel, or how you're being influenced to feel?
Feeling bitter or angry can be a justification for your actions. I understand this very well in myself. Sometimes, it just is easier to give in to the frustration. It feels like it justifies doing something irrational. But that is the lower-mind talking, and a return to calm is only a few deep breaths and a little understanding away.
Let me frame this for you, somewhat. A large part of coming to a clearer state of mind is understanding that you can only have happiness in contrast with sadness, ecstasy with pain, joy with sorrow, and love with hate. You probably already know this on an intuitive level, so let me bring it into your conscious mind. The best example is that when you intensely love somebody you tend to get moody with them very easily. As people often say, "I hate you but I love you." You need both to have the intensity, because feelings are like waves... In fact, from a neurobiology standpoint feelings ARE waves of electrical activity in your brain. Waves must have a crest and a trough, they cannot only have one or the other. Another example could be the relief you feel after coming close to an accident. The sudden tension and fear being released causes and upswing of relief and joy.
If you are addicted to the high, then you will likely have a very unconscious understanding that in order to get that high you need to have a low, and so you will seek out negative things without even realizing, so the good things feel better. You will feel attracted to people who might actually be bad for you, because they make your highs higher, or worse still, they feed your ego! Being separated may give you a temporary elation due to the natural upswing, but after a time that up becomes neutral, which feels like a down.
Coming to understand this, and being able to find happiness in contentment, you can eliminate the lows and negatives from your life, but you must also sacrifice the highs and positives with it. It is not to say they go away completely (otherwise you wouldn't be human!) but they become quite dulled, so you get little lows and little highs. Then, after some time, you learn to ride the little highs, appreciate them more and get more from them. You reflect and you grow. You come to understand that these things were really inside you the whole time, and didn't come from others. You only used them as mirrors to get what you wanted.
Jules: I often feel overwhelmed by options, and concern for the future not working out, attributing it to things I should be planning for now in order to set it up right as not to have any regrets. But, also, taking no action when I know at least one thing I would enjoy is silly, just because I won't feel it every moment; especially when those moments are spent outside of that world. I think I should just go for my biology master and let that be that, get involved and let the paths open as it goes. Follow the opportunities. It’s hard to take a leap of faith, I’ve never been good at it, I just want to do everything risk free... But that’s not life.
As for being addicted to the highs and lows I think you are also right; I'm addicted to the intensity. My desire to stand on a tall mountain, in the snow, after a long treacherous hike. Also, the emotions, good and bad, that give life something amazing to be in awe of. As for the negative, I ask myself a lot; do just love punishment, pain? When did it become this way...
Here is the story. LA is a city of selfish, awful, always on their phones/never paying attention, drivers. I often feel road rage and an amazing bitter hate for humanity because of it, often feeling like they are just selfish people who would rather risk the harm of other people than save a phone call for later, or a text. Which is also illegal, but nobody cares, especially during the last couple of months since I’ve been driving more instead of taking a bus (because my boss has be doing errands for a fund-raiser this weekend, and other stuff). However, I often ask myself why I feel this new-found rage, and what has come over me that, at this is time of my life, I am capable of this. I have always thought of myself as positive person, that I like people, that I'm understanding. I sometimes wonder if I like being miserable, or bitter… And condescendingly ask myself this when I drive. I think we all get some high out of feeling powerful, in control. Even if this feeling is attained by being mean to others- dominance. We think we are better in than them in some way.
When I identify that in myself I feel less powerful and more ashamed. I think of myself as always trying to see all things objectively and not judge the masses, because they are comprised of individual stories, and I can’t possibly know those stories. How does people being shitty drivers translate to me becoming so bitter about humanity? Am I just extrapolating on who they are as a person by how they drive, or even less, just anthropomorphizing the "body language" of these cars, which I know to be driven by people?
I look upon their faces, and I ask myself, what kind of person is this? I often judge them, I think they are bad people when it looks like they spent hours on their hair and make-up (men and women). When they look unhappy, and other things. It's irrational on my end, because I get mad at people for honking at stupid things, like being impatient rather than to prevent an accident.
And then, I am guilty of doing the same! Being entirely impatient and upset when they drive at anything less than perfection, and then I feel entitled to honk at them to set it right! I'm not laying on the horn or anything, just trying to give a little prod. But still...
The point of all this is the underlying psychology. Hypocrisy aside, I am talking about the bitterness. Maybe that’s the pain and flow of my life right now, manifesting. I sense it- the feeling of impatience I have for my life in all aspects. I'm waiting- nervously waiting- for my life to take action. There is the Peru volunteering month I wait for, there is my career, and graduate school applications, whether I will get in and where I will end up going (to EU, stay in LA, or even over to Aus/NZ?)... Also, I'm still bitter about the ex-boyfriend situation on some level, how he can want me and not want me at the same time... It's frustrating. Along with that, there is also an emphasis on the future. That he wants me back in 2 months. Not now. That he loves me but wants a distance. Then there is myself, wanting to be free and not get back with someone who has broken up with me and changed their mind. I have the feeling that RIGHT NOW I am free enough to leave, travel, with no ties. If I get back to him in January, I'm scared I won't have the strength to do what needs to be done: leave LA and go abroad for graduate school like I want to right now. I think this is best for my growth. I don't like the future I envision with him- a fear of staying in LA, not amounting to my fullest potential, because I'm clinging to an unhealthy relationship.
It becomes unhealthy when I cannot live to my full potential, and don't even want to in that situation, when I am addicted to a lifestyle with him, only to later regret wasting my 20s. Whether that relationship works out or not.
Nowhere Man: I think, in relation to you feeling angry/bitter, these are not your feelings, but instead you are soaking up the feelings of all those around you. It is often hard, but you may notice you'll be in one place and feel fine and happy with a few people around, then go somewhere busy and suddenly you feel frustrated, angry, judgemental, out of nowhere. These feelings are strong and people tend to pick up on them easily. You need to remain conscious of when these feelings start creeping up, and push positive energy back. Who knows, maybe you'll break the cycle and the people around you will feel a little better!
We can find whatever feelings we like in our life. Our lives are complex. There is, I would say, equal amounts of excitement and happiness if you were to look for them. The secret is, where is your head at? And is it really how you feel, or how you're being influenced to feel?
Feeling bitter or angry can be a justification for your actions. I understand this very well in myself. Sometimes, it just is easier to give in to the frustration. It feels like it justifies doing something irrational. But that is the lower-mind talking, and a return to calm is only a few deep breaths and a little understanding away.
Human misery, purpose and motivation
Jules: I think it’s fair that one can be miserable in an existential way, but it’s wrong to be in a bubble of taking everything for granted and being spoiled and still being miserable, due to the fact that they are NOT paying attention to the intricate and crazy existence. The Tao? As you called it.
Nowhere Man: it's something profound you've stumbled upon here, because it can be viewed in two ways. Some people see how big the universe is, and are awed and humbled. It makes their problems seem small, so they feel liberated from them. The other way is that people see how big the universe is, and feel weak and helpless. It makes their problems seem bigger because they didn't shrink their ego with their realization.
To me, miserable people are people who have too many expectations. They want or expect things to be a certain way, so they get upset when it isn't. They do not see the "baseline" of existence, the beauty of everything, they only see their own issues and ideals, and whether they are being fulfilled (which, for a miserable person, would be a no). It is a case of ignorance, and perhaps making a mountain out of a mole hill.
Jules: I always somehow forget that key; expectations. It is probably the cause of my own unhappiness in a lot of ways. But it’s depressing not to expect anything, too. There is a happy go lucky, either way wins, which I live by most of the time, but then there's the other aspect of nothing to anticipate or look forward to when you are excited about something. But then, the unhappiness comes greater if the expectations/anticipations aren’t met. But there is a pleasure in expecting things, too.
When it comes to the size of the universe, I'm usually/if not always in awe of it, and also of my own mortality... only sometimes, and recently, has it been scaring me into a sadness. I have shaped my life always on the feeling that whatever happens doesn't matter, for best and worse, because we will be dead one day. The question is, that best way to fill our time here. Long and short term...
Fun, friends, helping, surrounding oneself with beauty and some small victory, a sense of fulfilment in some way... These are the ideas right now that come to my mind.
My dreams for the future always rotate around this central idea. I want to be remembered by humanity, or just to make a big positive impact on the world, if I am being totally honest and out there. And not at all humble with my dreams. Writing, being creative and volunteering with wildlife conservation are my long-term life goals that are the means of attaining that above mentioned goal.
Nowhere Man: I always bring it back to the Buddhist idea of clinging. You can aspire to things, and you can hold expectations... In fact, it's very hard to make progress without them. The important thing is not to cling to them, to understand that the universe isn't required to be in line with them and so to let them go when they are unfulfilled.
I would say that there's only one thing to do with your time here, and that is to spend it! After that, it's ideology. We can only be what we are meant to be... For me, I feel the purpose (my purpose) is to reduce suffering and enlighten people. I should become a Buddhist, but I don't like labels and sitting cross-legged, haha. I often have delusions of grandeur, about becoming somebody famous or changing the world, but then I remember that this is an ego aspiration, and the true reality is that nobody can ever really remember you, because you can't truly know the part that wants to be remembered. What will be remembered is a ghost, a shadow of the person you actually are. So, are you really being remembered? Or is an image in your likeness being remembered? I believe it is far nobler to act to change the world, and remain humbled that you do not seek to be recognized for it. From this true happiness can spring.
Nowhere Man: it's something profound you've stumbled upon here, because it can be viewed in two ways. Some people see how big the universe is, and are awed and humbled. It makes their problems seem small, so they feel liberated from them. The other way is that people see how big the universe is, and feel weak and helpless. It makes their problems seem bigger because they didn't shrink their ego with their realization.
To me, miserable people are people who have too many expectations. They want or expect things to be a certain way, so they get upset when it isn't. They do not see the "baseline" of existence, the beauty of everything, they only see their own issues and ideals, and whether they are being fulfilled (which, for a miserable person, would be a no). It is a case of ignorance, and perhaps making a mountain out of a mole hill.
Jules: I always somehow forget that key; expectations. It is probably the cause of my own unhappiness in a lot of ways. But it’s depressing not to expect anything, too. There is a happy go lucky, either way wins, which I live by most of the time, but then there's the other aspect of nothing to anticipate or look forward to when you are excited about something. But then, the unhappiness comes greater if the expectations/anticipations aren’t met. But there is a pleasure in expecting things, too.
When it comes to the size of the universe, I'm usually/if not always in awe of it, and also of my own mortality... only sometimes, and recently, has it been scaring me into a sadness. I have shaped my life always on the feeling that whatever happens doesn't matter, for best and worse, because we will be dead one day. The question is, that best way to fill our time here. Long and short term...
Fun, friends, helping, surrounding oneself with beauty and some small victory, a sense of fulfilment in some way... These are the ideas right now that come to my mind.
My dreams for the future always rotate around this central idea. I want to be remembered by humanity, or just to make a big positive impact on the world, if I am being totally honest and out there. And not at all humble with my dreams. Writing, being creative and volunteering with wildlife conservation are my long-term life goals that are the means of attaining that above mentioned goal.
Nowhere Man: I always bring it back to the Buddhist idea of clinging. You can aspire to things, and you can hold expectations... In fact, it's very hard to make progress without them. The important thing is not to cling to them, to understand that the universe isn't required to be in line with them and so to let them go when they are unfulfilled.
I would say that there's only one thing to do with your time here, and that is to spend it! After that, it's ideology. We can only be what we are meant to be... For me, I feel the purpose (my purpose) is to reduce suffering and enlighten people. I should become a Buddhist, but I don't like labels and sitting cross-legged, haha. I often have delusions of grandeur, about becoming somebody famous or changing the world, but then I remember that this is an ego aspiration, and the true reality is that nobody can ever really remember you, because you can't truly know the part that wants to be remembered. What will be remembered is a ghost, a shadow of the person you actually are. So, are you really being remembered? Or is an image in your likeness being remembered? I believe it is far nobler to act to change the world, and remain humbled that you do not seek to be recognized for it. From this true happiness can spring.
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